The club is not quite French in name only but it has assembled a foreign legion including Jonny Wilkinson who, having retired from international rugby after last year’s World Cup, is focusing on a trophy that has eluded him.

Newcastle qualified for the tournament only twice when Wilkinson was there, and he was injured when they played Stade Français in the quarter-final at Parc des Princes in 2005 and subsided to a 40-point defeat.

“The policy at Toulon is that every game is important, never mind which tournament it is in,” says the former England fly-half who, at the age of 33, will decide at the end of the season whether to continue playing. “It means everything to me to be successful in the Heineken Cup: it is the biggest club tournament in northern hemisphere rugby, all the top teams coming together in the ultimate competition. I would adore to be part of the winning team.”

Wilkinson’s international career may not quite be over, even if he has no intention of making himself available for England again. He is being monitored by Warren Gatland ahead of next year’s Lions tour of Australia, scene of the fly-half’s greatest triumph in 2003 when his extra-time drop goal in Sydney won the World Cup for England.

Wilkinson’s 13 years with England did not end as he had intended. The wreckage of last year’s World Cup campaign claimed a number of victims, not least the then team manager, Martin Johnson, the man whose hands clasped the Webb Ellis Cup that night in Sydney nine years ago.

“I have seen him since the World Cup,” Wilkinson says. “He was no more responsible than anyone else for what happened in New Zealand, including me. His input was outstanding and I have a huge amount of respect for him, even more so than I had when he was a player.

“The World Cup was a huge opportunity for us, but for whatever reason the cumulative sum of all of our efforts was not what it should have been and it was not reflected in our performances. We were not as together as we could or should have been; I have still not worked out why. Sometimes you play against a team and feel they have more men on the pitch than you: we did not have that.”

Wilkinson has been with Toulon for three years, relishing the warmer climate on the French Riviera, but he pays close attention to the game in England and believes the national side is making progress along a path that leads to the 2015 World Cup, which is being hosted by the Rugby Football Union.

“The autumn international series will be very big for England,” he says. “New Zealand are in a place where the players in the team know that someone will come up with the goods. England have good options in my position: Toby Flood has creativity and toughness and is looking like the finished article.

“Owen Farrell is young but has tenacity and mental toughness. You can build on that forever: he can go far because he has the base. In the midfield, Manu Tuilagi is an explosive player and England need the opposition to focus on certain players because it opens up space for everyone else. They key is to have, ruthless, mentally tough players and game-breakers who are willing to stand up and take the heat, and who can make decisions. England have a lot going for them.”

Any role at the 2015 World Cup, when England will be hosts, will be ambassadorial. Asked whether he will still be playing then, when he will be 36, Wilkinson says: “I take things year by hear now because I like to be in control. I do not want to be playing when the guys alongside me would rather have someone else. If I feel I am doing well at the end of the season, I will keep going. When I do retire, skills coaching one-on-one is something that would interest me, but just because you get off the ladder as a player at a certain level, that does not mean that is where you should start as a coach. They key for me is to continue to get better.”

Toulon’s first group match in the Heineken Cup is an all-French affair against Montpellier a week on Sunday. Then they go to Cardiff Blues before a double-header with Sale, home of Danny Cipriani, who not so long ago was one of the pretenders to Wilkinson’s England shirt but now finds himself on the Sharks’ bench, even though they are struggling. Wilkinson does not want to see 2003 as the climax of his career, but for his erstwhile rival it has become a question of lows.

This week:

Gluten-free is the food industry’s buzzword du jour. Celebrities like Miley Cyrus say going gluten-free prompted weight loss, while others credit the wheat-free diet with curing everything from abdominal pain to migraines. Try it for a week. Do you feel better or worse and how much do you miss the food you can’t have?

Tell us how it goes e at  fb.me/globelifestream.

Previous challenges: (Click on the links to see how I fared)

Week One: Positive thinking Refrain from saying anything negative. No sarcastic remarks, withering put-downs or self-deprecating comments.

Week Two: Put down the smartphone. This week, limit yourself to checking your e-mail only twice a day.

Week Three: Try not buying any groceries and use up those dried chick peas, frozen strawberries, soup mix and whatever else is lurking in your cupboards and freezer.

Week Four: Improve your memory. Learn a poem – or if you still have nightmares about Grade 10 English, learn lyrics to a song.

Week Five: Go without makeup for the week. That’s right: no foundation, no mascara, no lipstick – we’ll give you a pass on lip balm.

Week Six: No lies for a week. Nope, not even white ones.

Another modality of healing which is becoming more accepted, though still looked upon with suspicion by allopathic doctors, is the so-called alternative or holistic form of healing, which treats the whole person rather than merely eliminating the symptoms of the disease. Under this would fall herbal preparations, acupuncture, hypnosis, pranic or energy healing, faith healing and psychic surgery, yoga, homeopathy, nutritional therapy, and so on.

Edgar Cayce

But there is another method of healing virtually unheard of in the Philippines, which comes from psychic sources done by Edgar Cayce, a poorly educated American psychic from a small town in Kentucky who lived from 1877 to 1945. While in a trance-like or altered state of consciousness, he prescribed health remedies or discourses on deep metaphysical topics which astonished medical experts and scholars.

Throughout his lifetime, Edgar Cayce (pronounced “kay-see”) gave more than 14,500 psychic readings, most of which dealt with common medical problems. About 2,500 of these readings concerned religious, esoteric and metaphysical topics of great significance, such as the origin and destiny of man, Atlantis, religion, the Bible, reincarnation, karma, the akashic records and hundreds of other topics.

We shall confine our discussion of the vast psychic readings Cayce left to health advice and remedies for some common ailments.

I first came across the works of Cayce in the mid-’70s, and was fascinated because they made a lot of sense to me. Furthermore, his psychic readings on health matters have been studied and investigated by knowledgeable medical doctors and scientists.

In the late ’70s, Cayce’s son, Hugh Lynn, visited the Philippines, and I had the good fortune of meeting and talking with him on various subjects regarding his father’s remarkable psychic legacy.

Hundreds of miles away

The person seeking Cayce’s medical help need not be physically present. He or she might be hundreds of miles away. All Cayce needed was the subject’s name and location. And after a short while, his voice would change and he would announce, “Yes, we have the body of (subject) here.” And then he would give detailed instructions on what to do to heal the ailment. And most of the time, his health advice incredibly worked.

When asked where he obtained his information for his readings, Cayce named two sources: from the Akashic Record and from the subconscious mind of the individual seeking help.

We spoke about the Akashic Record in recent columns (Sept. 18 and 25 and Oct. 2) and therefore will not elaborate here. It is sufficient to state that the Akashic Record, according to Cayce, is the “record that each soul writes in the skein of time and space.” It is therefore not a physical record, but exists on the etheric or astral plane which can be read by a highly developed psychic with the permission of the individual concerned.

The subconscious mind of an individual is the bridge between the conscious mind and superconscious mind, which has knowledge of past, present and future. Cayce was very emphatic that he was not getting the information from a spirit entity. He was therefore not a spirit medium as this is commonly understood.

Holistic healing

Before we discuss specific ailments and their remedies prescribed by Cayce, it is important to understand his basis for healing. It is holistic in nature. In other words, it addresses the physical, mental and spiritual aspects of a person’s being, while the more accepted allopathic modality treats only the symptoms of the disease and seldom its cause.

On the spiritual side, Dr. Herbert Puryear wrote in the “Edgar Cayce Primer”: “There is within each of us a pattern, the law written within, through which we may enter into the presence of the Creative Forces within ourselves. This is the source of healing…

“When one who seeks healing has set a spiritual ideal and requested help from others, the sensitive centers in the body (known as chakras, in the east) become receptive and responsive to the help that may be received.”

The seeker therefore must attune herself or himself to the spirit within. On the mental level, “these patterns may be awakened though the directive, integrative and motivational higher centers of the body. The power of suggestion is strongly recognized by the readings as well as hypnosis and self-hypnosis to quicken the healing process.”

On the physical side, Cayce usually prescribed proper elimination, manipulation of the spinal column, diet, massage, the use of castor oil packs or even just a glass of water. The effects of these unorthodox treatments have caused astonishment to physicians who have studied them.

Next week: The Edgar Cayce remedies for common ailments

Note: The next Practical Mind Dynamics seminar is on Oct. 13-14, and the next Soulmates, Karma and Reincarnation seminar on Oct. 20, at Rm. 308 Prince Plaza I, Legaspi St., Greenbelt, Makati. For seminar details and reservation, call 8107245, 0929-9818962 or 63; e-mail jaimetlicauco@yahoo.com; visit www.jimmylicauco.com

This boost in empathic accuracy was detected through both behavioral testing of the study participants and through functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) scans of their brain activity.

“It’s an intriguing result, suggesting that a behavioral intervention could enhance a key aspect of empathy,” said lead author Jennifer Mascaro, a post-doctoral fellow in anthropology at Emory University.

“Previous research has shown that both children and adults who are better at reading the emotional expressions of others have better relationships,” she stated.

The meditation protocol, known as Cognitively-Based Compassion Training, or CBCT, was developed at Emory by study co-author Lobsang Tenzin Negi, director of the Emory-Tibet Partnership. Although derived from ancient Tibetan Buddhist practices, the CBCT program is secular in content and presentation.

The research team also included senior author Charles Raison, formerly a psychiatrist at Emory’s School of Medicine and currently at the University of Arizona, and Emory anthropologist James Rilling.

When most people think of meditation, they think of a style known as “mindfulness,” in which practitioners seek to improve their ability to concentrate and to be non-judgmentally aware of their thoughts and feelings. While CBCT includes these mindfulness elements, the practice focuses more specifically on training people to analyze and reinterpret their relationships with others.

“The idea is that the feelings we have about people can be trained in optimal ways,” Negi explained.

“CBCT aims to condition one’s mind to recognize how we are all inter-dependent, and that everybody desires to be happy and free from suffering at a deep level,” he said.

Study participants were healthy adults without prior meditation experience. Thirteen participants randomized to CBCT meditation completed regular weekly training sessions and at-home practice for eight weeks. Eight randomized control subjects did not meditate, but instead completed health discussion classes that covered mind-body subjects like the effects of exercise and stress on well-being.

To test empathic accuracy before and following CBCT, all participants received fMRI brain scans while completing a modified version of the Reading the Mind in the Eyes Test (RMET). The RMET consists of black-and-white photographs that show just the eye region of people making various expressions. Those being tested must judge what the person in the photograph is thinking or feeling.

Eight out of the 13 participants in the CBCT meditation group improved their RMET scores by an average of 4.6 percent, while the control participants showed no increase, and in the majority of cases, a decrease in correct answers for the RMET.

The meditators, in comparison to those in the control group, also had significant increases in neural activity in areas of the brain important for empathy, including the inferior frontal gyrus and dorsomedial prefrontal cortex. These changes in brain activity accounted for changes in the empathic accuracy scores of the participants.

“These findings raise the intriguing possibility that CBCT may have enhanced empathic abilities by increasing activity in parts of the brain that are of central importance for our ability to recognize the emotional states of others,” Raison said.

“An important next step will be to evaluate the effects of CBCT on diverse populations that may particularly benefit from enhanced empathic accuracy, such as those suffering from high-functioning autism or severe depression,” he added.

Findings from the current study add to a growing database indicating that the CBCT style of meditation may have physical and emotional effects relevant to health and well-being.

For example, previous research at Emory found that practicing CBCT reduced emotional distress and enhanced physical resilience in response to stress in both healthy young adults and in high-risk adolescents in foster care.

The new study was published by Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience. (ANI)

Some ideas never die.

In fact, a century after he carried out his scheme, the beguiling con man still can hook people.

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Stamp expert Ed Grabowski, a retired chemist from New Jersey, is proof. He already owns 40 covers (stamped envelopes, to non-philatelists) from remote parts of the globe, addressed to Prof. A. Victor Segno, 701 North Belmont Ave., Los Angeles, Calif., or one of Segno’s other entities.

This weekend, Grabowski will be at the annual Stamp Exhibition of Southern California convention at LAX, trying to add to his collection, though he explains, “99% are not valuable stamps or postal history stamps, just interesting.”

Another fan is Philip R. Deslippe, a doctoral student in religious studies at UC Santa Barbara who began researching Segno for a book on William Walker Atkinson, a prolific 20th century author on mentalism, mysticism and the occult.

Deslippe says he became curious about Segno because of “the strangeness of a guy who is selling thought waves and making all this money. But the more you dig into it, it’s almost like a three-act tragedy. He comes out of nowhere … he amasses this huge fortune and it all collapses.”

Segno arrived in Los Angeles in the early 1900s and flourished during a craze for self-improvement, writing books such as “The Law of Mentalism,” “How to Live 100 Years” and “Personal Magnetism” as well as pamphlets such as “How to Have Beautiful Hair” and “How to Be Happy Tho’ Married.”

His Success Club was a simple scam. Claiming the brain waves served as “treatments for the cure of non-success,” he charged $1 a month — about $25 in today’s money — and by 1903 was bringing in $12,000 a month.

He advertised testimonials, too. Member No. 5521 said: “You no doubt will be glad to learn that since joining your club I have improved in health, supported myself and little baby girl and made over $1,000, and risen from a servant to be a proprietor. I have also secured a position as traveling agent for a Chicago firm at a large salary…”

Deslippe says Segno’s timing was perfect.

“It spoke to the time, the technology and expansion,” he says. “There was something very American and also aggressive about Segno. You were in charge of your own destiny. If you could think of it and you could want it enough.… If you willed it hard enough, you could make it happen.”

Segno was investigated by local postal authorities, who noted that he received the most mail of any single individual in the state of California — and sent as many as 7,000 letters a day, which included information about the Segno Success Club and such items as his Segnogram newsletter and various other publications.

By 1904, Segno had made enough money to build an eccentric concrete castle with a roof garden and a dome on Belmont Avenue in Echo Park, a place he called Inspiration Point that served as his residence and the headquarters of the American Institute of Mentalism.

The brain waves actually brought him so much money that in 1911, he embarked on a trip to establish a similar school in Russia. At least that’s what he told his wife, Annie. It turned out that the author of “How to Be Happy Tho’ Married” had left her for another woman — his former secretary.

The next year, Segno set up a similar scheme in Berlin, occupying a suite of rooms on one of the city’s most fashionable boulevards. “He has a small army of assistants dispatching mental waves and opening letters containing checks, money orders and inquiries,” the Los Angeles Times reported.

But as World War I engulfed Europe, Segno returned to Los Angeles and then vanished.

One of the most unusual envelopes in Grabowski’s collection is from the New Hebrides Islands, known today as the South Pacific nation of Vanuatu.

“There were only a dozen or two people who could write in the New Hebrides. Yet one of them was sending Segno money…. It’s unbelievable, there was no radio, TV, Web,” Grabowski says.

Deslippe sees a broader lesson in Segno’s exploits.

“If you believe in limitless possibility and success is around the corner,” Deslippe says, “Los Angeles is the most perfect place to be. It was growing so fast and so many people were going there. It was a perfect fit for Segno’s optimism … or opportunism, two sides of the same coin for him.”

Developers eventually razed Segno’s buildings to make way for the 1974 Lago Vista condominium complex. As for Segno, he disappears from the historical record, aside from a reference in Federal Trade Commission reports in the 1930s.

Did the author of “How to Live 100 Years” actually reach the century mark? If you’re out there, Prof. Segno, send us a brain wave.

larry.harnisch@latimes.com

By Marcus Chhan

Mike Tyson once said: “Everyone has a plan – until they get punched in the face.”

For 25-year-old Mixed Martial Artist Radeem Bin Abdul Rahman that proverbial punch to the face has yet to materialise. It is early days, of course, in the career of Singapore’s first MMA fighter, but Rahman’s plan to become the country’s first world champion in the sport is progressing quite smoothly.

Rahman made his professional MMA debut at One FC’s Champion vs Champion event in September 2011 – stunning everyone except himself and his team-mates at Evolve MMA with a three minute destruction of Indian Susovan Ghosh in Singapore.

“Basically I just focused on the game plan,” Rahman told ESPNSTAR.com.

“I stuck to the game plan. I just went in and did what I had to do. The moment I knew I won I was like ‘It’s unbelievable’.

“And then everyone was cheering for me. I was like: ‘Wow, I will never forget this moment.’”.

The moment Rahman was talking about came when 7,000 fans inside the Singapore Indoor Stadium reacted with delirious joy to his TKO win over Ghosh in the first round. According to the Singapore fighter, the fans played a part in his victory. Their role began as soon as Rahman stepped into the cage and felt the full force of the boisterous support surrounding him – even before he had aimed a kick at Ghosh.

“I felt excited. I felt pumped up,” he said.

“When there’s a crowd behind me and cheering for me and motivating me, I don’t want to be a disappointment. I want to show them what I can do.”

With great support come great expectations, but Rahman insists he does not feel the pressure of being the poster boy for MMA in Singapore – a rapidly growing sport in the country.

“Nah, I don’t feel under any pressure at all because for me I am usually focused more on the Martial Arts [perspective]. So I don’t really care that ‘Oh man they put high hopes on me.’ I look at myself in terms of self-improvement,” he said.

“Every day I want to improve bit by bit. In Mixed Martial Arts you have to constantly evolve. You can’t just be the same person all the way. And that’s why if you want to be a champion you have to do this.”

And Rahman has been doing it.

He’s dreamed of being a professional since he was 11-years old and set off on the long road to perfecting his fighting technique.

When he was in primary school, his parents fed his love for Martial Arts by taking him to watch local Taekwondo competitions. When that wasn’t enough to satisfy his appetite, Rahman had to supplement it by watching DVDs of fights. From this early age, he took to the art of Muay Thai and submerged himself in books and YouTube videos to learn this violent yet graceful craft.

Three years ago he finally found an academy where he could take his basic Muay Thai skills to the next level – Evolve MMA. It was the chance of a lifetime for Rahman, an opportunity to train with Muay Thai world champions. He took it with both fists and has even gone on to test himself against Thai fighters in their own backyard. Quite a gung-ho thing to do, but it’s all part of the philosophy Rahman has adopted on self-improvement and rounding the edges of his game.

“Fighting Thai guys was, of course, tough because they grew up in a country that is really established [in Martial Arts] with Muay Thai. And I have just started learning, but because I trained here [at Evolve] with world champions, my defence, my strategy, and my attack was put to good use,” Rahman said.

However, a true MMA fighter knows how to fight standing up as well as on the ground and even mix things up a bit with some Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, if need be. For some, this sort of all-around dedication might be a turn-off, but for Rahman this is the reason why becoming a professional MMA fighter appealed to him much more than simply becoming an expert at Muay Thai.

“Basically when you talk about Mixed Martial Arts, it’s about the combination of all Martial Arts. Usually, the Martial Arts which are commonly used are Muay Thai, Boxing, Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, and even Wrestling,” Rahman said.

He added: “I feel that MMA is exciting. What matters to me is unpredictability. So you never know [what will happen next] even though your opponent is a grappler or he is standing up, you never know if he knows additional background in other martial arts. And that is what makes it exciting.”

Rahman’s Muay Thai background was on full display during his debut victory over Ghosh in September 2011. His powerful strikes set him up for the TKO win and earned him an early reputation for being aggressive.

“I prefer it that way,” he said.

“In the cage I like to be aggressive. I don’t know why but it is exciting to be aggressive.”

Don’t be mistaken though. Rahman is not some brawler from the streets of Singapore who happened to find his way into the Evolve gym and Mixed Martial Arts. He understands perfectly that Martial Arts is about developing the Body, Mind and Spirit.

Body is developed through the physical exercises involved in martial arts training – by all accounts Rahman already was a very fit individual. The type of person who “would go for a 12KM run if there was nothing to do at home”.

Training the Mind and Spirit is a slightly more highbrow affair. Meditation may be involved but the idea is to coordinate thinking with movement – this aids the MMA fighter with his footwork and teaches him how to relax and focus on the task at hand.

Even if the goal is to beat your opponent until he surrenders – Rahman says you do not have to be an angry person to be a professional in MMA.

“I disagree with that,” he said.

“Usually when I am in the cage, I don’t feel pressure, I tell myself ‘okay now I have an opponent this is the challenge for me’. It’s like taking an exam. You train so hard and now it is time to put the real work in.

“I tell myself to relax and also that the biggest opponent is myself. I want to see how much I have improved.”

The pursuit of personal improvement is a massive part of what makes Rahman tick. He trains six days a week for up five or six hours. He has a notebook where he jots down new moves so he does not forget any of the minor details told to him by his trainers.

“I have a dream to be a world champion just like my instructors [at Evolve]. Every day I see them training even though they are world champions, it is amazing to watch,” he said.

“When I go against them [in practice], of course I lose out to them. The positive thing is that let’s say I get taken down 10 times, I want to try and minimise this to five or six the next day.”

Pushing yourself to the limit in training does have its own perils – something which Rahman experienced late last month. He dislocated a finger two weeks before his scheduled fight at One FC’s Rise of Kings, October 6th event. This disappointingly ruled him out of a second appearance at the Singapore Indoor Stadium but it should be seen as just a minor bump in the road of a burgeoning career.

In Mike Tyson’s terms it was more of a slight poke in the eye rather than a full-blooded punch to the face.

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BY CHRISTOPHER HASSETT  | I’ve been thinking about meditating as a way of relieving stress. Do you think this will help? If so, do you have any suggestions on how to go about it? 

    — Rory, Fort Greene 

Meditation is a great way to reduce stress in the moment, though in the beginning the act itself can have its own unwanted stresses. But, yes, the idea is correct: Sit, empty the mind, relax, de-stress. The problem for many meditators is that once they’re in that quiet, peaceful place, all the day’s thoughts and worries come rushing to the fore and the entire session is spent following the action in their head. Then, when remembering with growing frustration their purpose for sitting in the first place, they stress even more as time slips unproductively away.

With that said, it’s important to caution against sitting without aim or slipping mindlessly into unconsciousness. What is wanted in meditation is focus. So, for instance, one could meditate solely on the movement of thought in the mind, i.e: where, exactly, does a thought come from — from where in our minds does it arise? Where does it abide in the moment we think it? Where does it go, the thought, once it has passed? This exercise may sound trivial and purposeless but it is a very high practice in meditation, one that is also quite difficult to do with any kind of certainty or lasting presence. Yet it is exactly that certainty and lasting presence we are trying to develop in order to deepen our understanding of the workings of mind, the nature of self and the relationship between self and the world at large. An understanding of this kind also brings with it a significant reduction in stress.

Another focus for meditation might be looking at the labels we use to name things, labels that become quite real in and of themselves, as if they were the thing itself. For instance, a flower is a flower by name alone, but is it really, at its essence, a flower? Through meditation we see that it isn’t, and with that insight our perception once again begins to shift, not just in the way we see and experience a flower but in the way we see and experience all things named. This is important because it helps us cut through our strong attachments to the many things we identify with or want to possess: cars, paintings, properties, even the people who freely exist in our lives beyond any desire to claim (my wife,  my children…).

This same meditation is even more effective when we turn that analysis upon ourselves. Our own names are a good place to start, as are the concepts of “I” and “me.” These concepts in a very real sense complicate and compromise our relationship to everything around us, so we meditate on them for the purpose of seeing the exact role they play in muddying or distorting our perception of who we are in relation to all else. The practice with time brings significant rewards, the least of which is an ability to walk through the world with far less stress.

Then there is a traditional meditation where one simply sits and observes the general workings of the mind. Most of us are inextricably attached to our thoughts and in response to those thoughts we take action in the world. But instead of acting or reacting, in this meditation we simply watch as our thoughts pass through the space of our mind in the same way a cloud moves through the space of a pristine blue sky. Nothing follows the cloud. Nothing blocks its movement. Nothing reacts. In this way we learn to create an easy distance between the true nature of ourself (which is sky-like) and the ceaseless movement of thoughts in our head (which are cloud-like). This in turn helps cut the long chain of reactiveness, patterned behaviors and unconsciousness that plagues so many us, all of which are major sources of stress. It also serves to open a much-needed space between ourselves and all that tends to trip us up, again with the benefit of reducing many of the impending pressures that continually bear in around us.

Another meditation has you simply following your breath, and this is where I suggest you begin because its purpose is to have you train in focusing on a single point for a short period of time. I would say no more than a few minutes to begin with. Even these short sessions you’re likely to find challenging since your mind will very quickly want to show you who’s boss: It will tease you with a thought which you’re likely to follow, presence will be lost, the breath forgotten, and then moments later you’ll return. You don’t have to do anything other than just that: remember and return to your breath over and over again. Don’t stress about the fact that you drift. Your main intention, aside from trying to relax, is to train in the whole business of calming the mind, but to do this you’ll need to begin with brief sessions. Sit for no more than five minutes in the beginning, but bring all the awareness and focus you have into those five minutes. This is much more effective and much less frustrating than sitting for an hour straight while drifting or nodding off the while. When ready, you might still want to continue with short sessions but instead of once a day you do it several times a day. Extend the length of your meditation only when you feel you’re stabilizing in awareness and presence.

It is only with training that we bring in control, and stress is nothing other than a response to a lack of control. But the idea of “control” is a bit misleading because the goal is to liberate ourselves from the control of our thoughts, rather than trying to control them. And emphasis is always on the thought because it is only through our thoughts that we experience so much difficulty in the world. In other words, things happen around us at every moment and very little of it is in our power to change. Yet we think about those things nevertheless and from that thinking we react in certain predictable ways (stress is one of those ways). But the reaction itself is sprung directly from the thought, not necessarily from the thing that’s happened. Backing off from an immediate engagement with the thought, giving it the space it needs to move freely through the sky of our mind without reacting or judging or doing anything at all, makes all the difference. In doing this one thing we in fact change everything, and stress on its own falls quietly away.

Hassett is a holistic health practitioner who specializes in restoring energy and mental clarity, losing weight naturally, and alternative approaches to health and well-being. You can reach him through his Web site at   www.threeperfections.com. Do you have a question you’d like Christopher to respond to in his column? E-mail him at conversations@threeperfections.com.

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By
Louise Saunders

PUBLISHED:

05:56 EST, 28 September 2012

|

UPDATED:

08:37 EST, 28 September 2012

Her estranged husband Ashton Kutcher’s relationship with Mila Kunis seems to be going from strength to strength, with the couple putting on a series of very amorous displays in recent weeks.

But Demi Moore cut a very different figure as she showcased her super-slim frame while leaving a gym in Hollywood, California, on Thursday.

With her skinny arms on display and her face looking somewhat gaunt, the 49-year-old actress looked a far cry from her former glory days.

Gaunt: Demi Moore looked worryingly thin as she left the gym in Hollywood, California, on Thursday

Dressed in casual gym gear, black Nike trainers and sunglasses, the Ghost star couldn’t hide her frail appearance as she wandered to her car.

And with a glum look on her face, Demi – who entered rehab in January, where she was allegedly treated for substance abuse and anorexia – cut a very sad figure indeed.

However, the brunette bombshell’s downcast appearance comes as no surprise, given the PDA-packed appearances Ashton and Mila have been putting on in recent weeks.

The loved-up couple didn’t seem to care who saw them as they kissed and cuddled for all to see in Central Park, New York, earlier this month.

Gym bunny: The 49-year-old star looked glum as she emerged from her workout session

Skinny: Demi’s arms appeared to be extremely thin as she made her way to her car following her class

Ashton and Mila, who initially became friends over a decade ago after starring on That ’70s Show together, were first linked romantically back in April – shortly after the breakdown of Ashton’s marriage to Demi in November.

However, it has since been claimed the former couple – who are yet to file for divorce – may have never been legally married in the first place.

Sources have told RadarOnline that Demi and Ashton’s 2005 Kabbalah wedding was merely a ‘symbolic ceremony and not a legal marriage’.

Dinner outing: Demi first sparked concern about her weight when she was pictured looking thin and gaunt while out with friends in West Hollywood last week

Estranged: Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore split last November after six years of marriage, but are yet to file for divorce

Although the Hollywood star has been linked to a series of eligible men following her split from the 34-year-old actor, she is said to be seeking help from a hypnotist to get over her former husband.

‘Demi knows that to move on with her life she needs to find a way to let Ashton go,’ a source told UK magazine Grazia. ‘She is still heartbroken and holding on to a lot of anger.

‘She has started seeing a hypnotist for one hour a week. It’s quite pricey at around £1,500 an hour, and it’s quite radical to undergo hypnosis, but she desperately want to be happy again.’

The couple’s marriage crumbled in April amid allegations that Ashton had cheated on her with party girl Sara Leal.

Demi promply released a statement saying she was ending the six-year marriage with ‘great sadness and a heavy heart’.

Hinting at her husband’s infidelity, she said: ‘As a woman, a mother and a wife, there are certain values and vows that I hold sacred, and it is in this spirit that I have chosen to move forward with my life’.

Immediately after the announcement, Ashton posted his own statement on Twitter.

He wrote: ‘I will forever cherish the time I spent with Demi. Marriage is one of the most difficult things in the world and unfortunately sometimes they fail. Love and Light, AK.’

Demi, who has three daughters, Rumer, 24, Scout, 21, and Tallulah, 18, with ex-husband Bruce Willis.

Smitten: Ashton has since moved on with That 70s Show co-star Mila Kunis

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In psychology, the term for the image we project to others is “the persona.” We all need to have an image of the self to project into the world. The challenge is to make sure it’s authentic and derived from our higher self. When ego is immature and running the show, we may be projecting a personality self that is indeed “false” — one that is not truly who we are.

Halloween masks are fun. A false role worn as a mask is not fun. Often, in order to fit in or be successful, we take on a role and a script handed to us by others or created to make up for some lack we have felt in our lives.

These false masks are by their nature unrealistic. We can’t live up to them. This can leave us feeling like fakes. We become terrified of being “found out.” So we do even more to look like the perfect mom/boss/whatever. All this inner turmoil can create feelings of depression or a midlife crisis, or rupture relationships. Unhealthy masks steal our joy. Even worse, a false mask deprives the world of the beauty and talents of the real self!

So why do we take on these masks? How are they related to the roles we need to play in life? And how do we find a way to be authentically ourselves?

We all have roles. They describe the nature of our relationships with others. I am a mom, stepmom, wife, sister, daughter, friend, author, executive coach, and public speaker. Each of these roles calls for a slightly different version of “Cindy.” As a public speaker or coach I appear to act differently than I do with my family or my best friend. Does this different behavior make me inauthentic? It depends.

Authentic roles, when informed by spiritual intelligence (SQ) have an essence that feels the same. When I am living with high SQ, “Cindy the coach” has much in common with “Cindy the parent,” even though I will adjust my behaviors to the context. Someone who knows me well will see that I am being authentically “me” in all these roles. And my higher self is expressing through all of them.

Ego makes four big mistakes with our roles:

1. It takes on an unrealistic version of a role — like “Super-Boss” or “Super-Mom” — a mask or made-up persona.
2. It confuses “me” with the mask.
3. It thinks “I will be only be loved if I am the mask.”
4. It then defends the mask with all its power, because it believes that to lose the outer image is equivalent to death.

The net result of living behind a mask is that we lose what we are trying to gain. We actually feel less safe. We don’t let others get too close for fear they will see behind the mask. And often we jeopardize the very things we treasure most, like our relationships or our jobs.

Here is an example. Let’s say Julia has taken on the mask or “script” of being “Super-Mom.” She has decided that as “Super-Mom,” she can never ever say “no” when her kids want to do something with her. Looking courageously at the result of living this mask, she sees that she is exhausted. Her kids have become demanding and expect everyone to drop everything for them all the time. Her adult relationships, including her marriage, are suffering because she has no time for anyone but her kids. She is resenting the kids and feeling like a failure.

Now let’s go further. Where does this script come from? In this case, it comes from Julia’s wounded inner child. She is giving her children the attention she did not get from her own mother. She is actually taking care of her wounded inner child by being this “always-say-yes” Super-Mom. She is loving her own wound rather than loving her children. This can be a shattering realization.

Developing SQ means learning to see the errors of the ego and then lovingly helping the ego grow up so its habitual responses are improved.

When we learn to get quiet and dialogue with our ego voice, we can ask, “What are you afraid of?” In this case ego might reply: “I am afraid my kids won’t love me. I am afraid others will judge me as a bad mom. I am afraid my kids will be mad at me like I am mad at my own mother. I am afraid I will be alone.” And gently, patiently, Julia’s higher self voice can lead the ego to see that the current mask isn’t working. There is a better choice. A healthier role, authentically embodied, can give and get the love that ego seeks. And everyone will be happier in the long run — including Julia’s wounded inner child.

What can you do today? Reflect on the roles you play. Could you describe any of your roles with the word “super” in front of it? If so, it might be time for some dialogue between your ego and your higher self.

P.S. Ego is not evil — it is immature. It is a child who has taken on a job too big for itself. For more on this, my friend Rabbi Alan Lurie has a wonderful post on the importance of loving and liberating the ego. In it, he illustrates how he talks with his own ego.

For more by Cindy Wigglesworth, click here.

For more on emotional intelligence, click here.

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